i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
