Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
