Non-Jews are for practice
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
