I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
