the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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