my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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