ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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