My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
