Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
