we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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