party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
