I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
