I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
