just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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