Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was born a porn star she said
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
