happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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