Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
