I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize