Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
