Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
