if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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