I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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