I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
