I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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