is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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