oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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