Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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