Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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