i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
