Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
