Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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