she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm getting married
To pizza
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize