I bet he comes in French.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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