Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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