Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
