When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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