I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
