I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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