my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
