PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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