Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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