He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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