So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
