She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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