Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
