We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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