Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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