i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
