Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
