I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
