i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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