During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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