The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
