I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
