I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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