My brain says no but my pants say off.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
