I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
