Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
