I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
