Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
