I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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