Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
