well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
