Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
