Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize