I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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