Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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