I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
