you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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