i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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