my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
