he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
