i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize