I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
