i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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