i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You left your phone here
Wait...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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