I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
