It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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