apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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