I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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