the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
