In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
