maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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