You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
