the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
