great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
